I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
How many fucks given?
0.12846
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
