I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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