Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
