Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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