Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
