i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
