im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize