ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
