it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
