so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
