the condom got lost in my hair
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
