gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
