Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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