just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
