Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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