The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
