I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
being pregnant is like rehab
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
