Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
