I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
