he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
