I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm eating all of the evidence.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
