Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
