thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
