he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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