Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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