I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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