I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
