These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
