Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
