We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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