Cold hands, warm shart.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
