Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
