i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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