I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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