The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
