If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
