She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
