Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
