PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
