Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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