This is not my ceiling
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
