so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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