You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
