if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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