Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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