He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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