Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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