You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
