The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
