until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
