Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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