if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I would fuck him just for his dog
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize