honey bunches of taint.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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