this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize