If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
