I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
