i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
