Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize