My nipple is on Facebook.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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