OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
