...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
