u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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