oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
