Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
