I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Success! We fucked roommates!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
