please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
