It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
