In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
