I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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