if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
