I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just invented taco cereal.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
