i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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