in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
