What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
