Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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